


One of a Kind

by magicemperor



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-06-19 04:18:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15502146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicemperor/pseuds/magicemperor
Summary: Misses home and can't return.Says he's happy. He's a liar.Blame the arson for the fire.If he wants to shirk the blame,He'll have to invoke my name.One way to absolve his crime.A different form, a different time.(fromGravity Falls: Dipper and Mabel and the Curse of the Time Pirates' Treasure)





	1. STRANGE DAYS

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by one of my favorite Gravity Falls theories. It's been a long time since I wrote creatively, here's hoping I'm not too rusty. This is an AU that diverges at Weirdmageddon: Part 1. Specifically, Stan's and Bill's roles are significantly altered. 
> 
> A word of warning: this fic won't have beta readers. I try to go through with a fine comb so it shouldn't be sloppy. Constructive criticism/feedback is welcome. Hope you enjoy!

When Stan woke up this morning, he had no reason to assume it wouldn’t be another typically atypical day in Gravity Falls: make Stancakes for the kids, watch the boob tube, part rubes from their cash, maybe help Mabel plan out her and Dipper’s approaching 13th birthday. Sure, the weird and unexpected happen - often enough that it wasn’t quite so unexpected anymore - but nothing TOO weird. Gnomes, fairies, annoying wizards; stuff like that.

He sure as hell wasn’t expecting the sky to tear apart, spewing forth nightmarish monsters from the void, or for his goat to grow three times that day. He happened to be putting up signs outside when all hell broke loose. Before Gompers could have him for dinner, he sprinted to the Mystery Shack as quickly as his scrawny legs could carry him.

He peaked out a window and saw freaky creatures, bizarre even for Gravity Falls, all around. The totem pole out front had come to life and tried ramming at the Shack but was repelled by...something? It made another attempt at the house and was once again blocked by a dome adorned with symbols. This time, the totem got zapped, dissipating its limbs and returning it to normal.

Stan breathed a sigh of relief. His brother must have put some kind of magic shield around the Shack. He had to give him credit, his paranoia and knowledge of supernatural mumbo-jumbo could come in handy at times. From behind him, he heard pounding footsteps. Speak of the devil! Ford, with Dipper in tow, raced by a dumbstruck Stan.

“We’re off to save the world, grunkle Stan!” was all Dipper could manage before he and Ford were out the door, heading to who-knows-where. They were gone before Stan had the chance to say anything himself.

When he realized what just happened, he cursed his brother. What the hell was he thinking, running off with Dipper into some nightmarescape? If he wanted to go get himself killed trying to play hero, that was his problem. But involving Dipper in his craziness…! The one condition Stan had for Ford, and he couldn’t bother to respect that. Stan was fuming. He was gonna get a mouthful when - _if_ \- he got back! The logical part of him knew there would be no stopping Dipper from helping out his ~hero~ but _dammit let him have this_.

Well, at least Mabel was safe. Poor kid, she was already having a rough day and now the world was ending. He ascended to the attic bedroom and knocked on the door. “Mabel? Sweetie? How ya feelin’?”

No response. That was weird. Another knock. “Mabel, you okay? You’re probably sca -” he said while peering into the room...which was Mabel-less. He turned back. Mabel wasn’t there. She was there not even an hour ago, where could she have gone?

He tried not to freak out yet; maybe she had gone to the bathroom or something. He called out for her around the house. No dice. Where had she run off to? He talked to her recently; she was kinda down in the dumps but it seemed his pep talk helped lift her spirits. Why would she have left so suddenly? Just his luck that his niece would disappear right when Armageddon happened, from which the Shack was a safespot. Everything had gone so wrong so fast it was almost funny. He fought the urge to burst out in manic laughter.

Stan slumped into his trusty recliner. He tried not to let the worries get to him - he wasn’t one to overthink things. What could he really do but sit tight and hope the kids eventually reach the safety of the Shack? Stan prided himself as a fighter, but he had to admit there wasn’t much his patented left hook could do against the legions of hell invading the town.

Try as he might, though, he couldn’t shake the sense of...unease? Was that what he was feeling right now? Then, without warning, his head exploded into splitting pain. He doubled over, stumbling out of his chair, disoriented. It felt as if his entire brain was throbbing, trying to break through his skull.

Closing his eyes tightly, he saw a veritable light show, including colors he didn’t even know existed. His mind was being flooded with flashes of sights and sounds he couldn’t quite make out. Damn, was this the doing of those monsters? Using psychic powers to make him go crazy? Or maybe his head really was going to pop like a bloody balloon?

He tried not to let himself be overwhelmed, but his grasp on consciousness became increasingly tenuous as the seconds passed. Or had it been longer than that? Somehow it felt closer to an eternity. Maybe giving in wouldn’t be so bad. At least he wouldn’t have to endure feeling like his head was going to explode. Really, it would be a mercy. No pain, no worries, no apocalypse...that sounded nice.

As he let go, he heard the distant sound of mocking laughter before everything went blank. 


	2. NOW THIS IS MY KIND OF DAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, next update will be a little longer.

At long, long last. The endgame he had been looking forward to and working tirelessly toward for the last trillion years was finally a reality. _He_ was finally a reality! No longer was he bound by the limitations of two dimensions. No longer was he restricted to working by dreams and shadows and puppets! Now he could bend the corporeal world to his whims.

He surveyed his new kingdom. He watched with satisfaction as nightmares poured forth from the rift of dimensions and true chaos engulfed the land. Ah, the fruits of his labor paying off! What a wonderful feeling. He hadn’t felt this good since...well, probably when he played that prank on longnose while possessing Sixer. That was priceless.

Bill tapped his non-existent chin. What should his first order of business be now that he was ultimate ruler of the three dimensional world? Wreaking havoc, that much was obvious, but what kind of havoc? Rearrange some body parts, turn Ford into a backscratcher, make pigs fly?

In the midst of his careful consideration, he was struck by a strange sensation. It felt akin to...recollection? Recalling what, exactly? His memories were small drops in a vast ocean; separating them was difficult. When time is a meaningless concept, everything kinda runs into each other, happening all at once or none at all. Maybe something about the situation just gave him nostalgia or deja vu for whatever reason.

Still. It wasn’t often he encountered such a feeling. It was somehow strangely familiar and entirely new at the same time. New experiences were hard to come by when you’re older than most universes. He couldn’t say he didn’t like it.

This wasn’t the time to analyze his feelings, though. Now that he thought about it, he ought to introduce himself to the townsfolk before getting down to business. They were his subjects, after all; they deserved to be in the presence of their new absolute ruler. Seeing the hilarious looks on their faces as he terrorized their fragile minds would be the best welcome to his new home. Then the real party could start. 


	3. HELLO DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND, I'VE COME TO TALK WITH YOU AGAIN

When Stan regained consciousness, he was mercifully free of the nuclear migraine that knocked him out. Even better, no alien or monster had burst out of his head.

On the downside, the cacophony of noises and visions bombarding his mind not only hadn’t gone away, but had gotten worse. He couldn’t stop seeing and hearing a chaotic mess of things he didn’t understand. Great. The world was ending, his goat turned 30 feet tall, his niece was missing, and he was losing his mind in the most annoying way possible. He couldn’t wait to find out what other lovely happenings this day had in store.

Stan dragged himself to the kitchen. He needed a pick-me-up. The only thing that could possibly lift his spirit now was ice cream, popsicles, marshmallows; something, anything sweet. He rummaged through a cupboard to see if any marshmallows were left. He and the kids had used most of them making s’mores a couple nights ago.

_You two better make it back here in one piece..._ He paused. Guilt welled up in him. He felt awful about not braving the craziness outside to at least search for Mabel, but damn it, what was he supposed to do against an army of demons? He didn’t have the crazy weapons or know-how his brother did. How could he beat them armed with just a baseball bat or brass knuckles?

He shook his head. There was no point in worrying. Enough bad stuff had gone down, worrying would only make it worse. However, it did provide a somewhat welcome distraction from the maddening thoughts racing through his head.

He found the bag of marshmallows. The bag hadn’t been sealed properly and they were getting hard, but it would have to do. He might as well polish off the rest. Sitting at the kitchen table in a daze, he mindlessly shoved stale marshmallows into his mouth. It was easily the high point of his day.

As he stared into space, one of the voices in his head snapped him out of the reverie. He could have sworn he heard someone familiar speaking. If he focused, he thought he even heard another such voice. But it was all too jumbled. Plus, there seemed to be yet another voice - a shrill one - dominating over the others. He scrunched his forehead in concentration.

_Ugh, can you shut up? I’m trying to think here!_ Hey, if the voices in his head were going to bother him, why not talk right back at ‘em? It almost seemed to work; the irritating voice stopped. Despite that, he still couldn’t quite make out the other ones. For some reason, he couldn't help but think it was Dipper and Ford. It just _felt_ strongly like them.

Of course, there was no reason to believe he was receiving actual visions (frequencies, whatever) of his family. More likely it was simply deep desperation on his part. It was a comforting thought, though, and he really needed those right now. He fished inside the bag of marshmallows and came up empty handed. He could have used more of those, too.

Stan blinked. He looked around him, got up from the chair, and exited the kitchen. You know, he really could use some fresh air right about now. He headed for the door - wait, why was he doing that? Why was he overcome by the desire to go outside? And why in God’s name could he not stop himself from turning the knob and waltzing right out of the protective confines of the Shack?

...and face-to-face(?) with some creepy floating triangle-eye thing. He wasn't sure whether to crap his pants or laugh in its face(?). Man, this really wasn't his day. And what good that stupid shield did! First it didn't prevent the demons from trying to make him go insane, now it didn't stop them from subliminally influencing his thoughts and actions to lure him out in the open. At least this demon didn't appear to have a mouth to eat him with.

"Well, well, well. We finally meet."


	4. I KNOW. I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE

Welp, here he was again. That run down wooden shack. Guess he shouldn’t be surprised the source of the weirdness was this place. How many times had he found himself here?

But now wasn't the time for reminiscing. He had to have a little chat with whoever was capable of psychically influencing him. A person who could do the impossible was someone he needed to meet. He knew it couldn’t be Sixer, Pine Tree, or Shooting Star. That left one plausible suspect. Someone he hadn’t properly met yet.

There was one little complication: the barrier that prevented him from broaching the perimeter of the building. You’d think dinky things like unicorn hair wouldn’t be able to stop him now that he was basically a god, but hey. He had to give ol’ Fordsy some credit: the poindexter had tricks up his sleeve. Then again, so did he.

If he could be influenced by whoever was within the Shack, there was no reason it shouldn't work both ways. Especially since he was undoubtedly more powerful than his mind mate. All he had to do was focus a little, lock on his target, and make them walk right to him.

Bill opened his eye. Just as he thought. Lo and behold none other than the “Mystery Man” himself, Stanley Pines.

"Well, well, well. We finally meet." 

Stan jolted; he recognized that voice. It was the one he told to shut up earlier. He actually telepathically communicated with this thing? Now it was probably here to get back at him for mouthing off. “What the heck did you do to me, you one-eyed freak?”

Bill paid no heed to the question, instead regarding Stan with keen interest. That feeling...there was no mistaking it. But how could it be? It was impossible. Should be. And yet, it could be nothing else.

“So you were the one who oh so rudely interrupted my tit-for-tat with Sixer and Pine Tree. I gotta _hand_ it to you,” he detached one of his hands and gave it to a startled Stan, who promptly dropped it, “you surprised me, and it takes a lot to surprise me.”

The terror on Stan’s face quickly dissipated into bemusement.

“So...what are you supposed to be exactly? Just a talking triangle? Is this a joke, am I being Ker-Prank’d?” He looked around him, as if expecting Justin Kerprank himself to jump out of the woodwork and reveal the setup.

Bill chuckled. “Well I _am_ a funny guy, but this is no joke.”

Stan remained doubtful. “I’ve punched dinosaurs and zombies. Is this really the best you can do? You’re gonna have try a little harder to scare me.”

“Stan, Stan, Stan. I’m not here to scare you.”

“Then wh - wait, how do you know my name?”

“I know **ALL THINGS**. Also I’ve heard a lot about you. From your brother, from Gideon, from invading your mind -” He kept count on his fingers as he rattled off the list.

“Woah woah woah -”

“- from possessing Pine Tree -” 

“Alright, enough! Just what the hell are you, and want do you want from me?”

“Guess it is about time for me to introduce myself. The name’s Bill, Bill Cipher. I’m the supreme ruler of this realm. And I want... **you**.” He punctuated the statement by turning red, dropping his voice several octaves, and invading Stan's personal space.

Stan squinted. “...are you comin’ onto me? Cause I don’t date annoying triangles.”

Bill wasn’t going to dignify that with a response. “Look. You have something that belongs to me. I’m simply here to reclaim what’s rightfully mine.”

“Hey, I admit I’ve stolen a lot of stuff over the years, but I definitely don’t remember taking anything from overly chatty geometrical shapes. I think you got the wrong guy.”

“Nope, there’s no mistake. You’re definitely the one. But hey, I get your confusion. Y’see, technically you didn’t _take_ anything from me. Besides, the thing I’m talking about isn’t physical, so it’s not something you could have lifted from me in the first place.”

Stan scowled. “Was that supposed to make me less confused?”

“Let me get to the point. Stan, contained within you is a part of myself. My essence, my being, my soul, if you will. Whatever you wanna call it, you have it. You are an incarnation of me.” He kept a casual tone, hoping to soften the blow of the surely shocking statements on his human counterpart.

Stan stared, stone faced.

“I know, a lot to take in, huh? Even with my brilliant mind, I guess the constraints of that squishy decaying body are too much to overcome. I’ll give ya a few moments to absorb the news.”

“You really think I'm gonna buy that crap?" Stan finally said, sounding decidedly unimpressed. 

"Listen up, wiseguy. Maybe your tricks work on other people but they’re not gonna work on me. Anyway, you and your annoying voice are getting on my nerves. If it’s all the same to you, I’m gonna head back inside the Shack and act like this never happened.” He announced, turning on his heel.

Bill almost forced Stan to stop, but thought better of it. If he was right - which he absolutely was - then he had nothing to worry about. As expected, Stan rammed right into the barrier in his attempt to return to the Shack. After trying once again to bypass it with no luck, he resorted to punching it.

Bill floated above Stan's shoulder. “Don’t think that’s going to work, wiseguy.”

“The hell did you do?” Stan yelled, spinning around and shoving his finger at Bill.

“Don’t point your finger at me! I didn’t do anything, not intentionally. This was all you, baby.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Earlier I got through just fine! You had to have done something.”

“You latent me-ness hadn’t been properly awakened earlier, obviously.”

“Will you quit with that? I’ve never met you before a minute ago, and you’re insisting I’m secretly a freakin’ triangle? How and why would that even happen?!”

“I have a theory.” His eye flashed an image of what appeared to be an axolotl. “I think the grand daddy of know-it-alls is playing a trick on me. On us. Heh, it thinks it knows best for us...but I’ll teach it not to mess with me…!” He trailed off, talking more to himself than Stan.

“You’re not even trying to actually explain any of this to me."

“You’ll understand it all soon enough. That is, if you don’t already know, deep down. When you return to me, you’ll have full access to all my memories and experiences. Plus, you’ll be the most powerful being in all reality! Pretty sweet deal, I’d say.”

“That’s not happening.” Stan responded flatly.

“Oh, you’re in no position to say that. You can’t enter your own home - well, Sixer’s home but who’s keeping track - and I have it on good authority that the other Pines are currently out of commission. What exactly are you going to do without me?”

“...what did you do to my family?” Cold fury emanated from him.

“Nothing they didn’t deserve or outright ask for! They’re not dead, so don’t worry about that."

Stan said nothing, opting to stare daggers at Bill.

“No cutting remarks this time?” Bill drifted closer to his other self. “Stan, our little meeting has taken up too much of my precious time. Let me cut to the chase: I could easily possess you and call it a day. But I’m a nice guy, so I want to make it fair for you. I want you to decide to join me on your own. How’s about we make a deal: in exchange for your part of my soul, I’ll guarantee the safety of your family and friends. Those are fair terms, don’t you think?”

“Not interested.” 

Bill gave the man a weary look. There was stubbornness, then there was plain stupidity. Jeez. This was the guy he had been reborn as? Was he this annoying too? He didn't want to strong-arm him, but this called for harsher measures. 

“Welp, if that’s your final answer, looks like I have no choice but to forcibly take over your body! Man, it’s gonna be fun to see how the others react when they see you doing my evil bidding. Who do you think is going to be the most emotionally devastated? I’m betting -”

“No, stop! What’s wrong with you? Even if I’m a piece of you or whatever, why do you want me back so bad? What good will I do?”

“It’s simple: without you, I’m not whole. With you, I'm complete. Plus it’s always fun to get back at that frilly faced jerk. So, what do you say?”

Stan knew he couldn’t trust this thing and he knew giving himself up was a bad idea. But he had been backed into a corner. If he didn't agree, he’ll just force him to play along like a puppet. If agreeing was the only possible chance of protecting the kids, what choice did he have?

“Stan, you’re worrying over nothing," Bill attempted to affect a sincerely reassuring tone; he wasn't very good at it. "Really, this will benefit you much more than me. And if you think about it, your goals weren’t so far off from mine. Maybe this is what you wanted all along.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stan snapped.  
  
“You were the driving force behind the portal fully opening, creating the rift that ultimately allowed me to enter the third dimension. You succeeded where I failed decades ago. I oughtta thank you, huh?”

Stan clenched his fists. “Let’s get one thing straight,” he said forcefully, staring Bill right in his eye.

“I’m not you. I never was and never will be you. You’re a sick bastard who doesn’t care about anything but yourself. I’m not gonna do this for power, or knowledge, or my own benefit. I’m only doing this to give the people I care about a fighting chance. Now shut the hell up and do whatever weirdo magic crap you gotta do."

Bill was sorely tempted to one-up Stan, but he'll be magnanimous and let him have the final word. It was going to be the literal last word he would ever have as himself, after all. He quietly offered the other his blazing hand. 

"You swear you'll protect the people I care about and that you won't lay a finger on them?"

"I promise on my and your life." 

"Good. I'll hold you to that." With no further hesitation, Stan reached out and grasped Bill's waiting hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill to Stan: 


	5. BACKINBLACK

In the the immediate aftermath of the deal, he couldn't say he felt noticeably different. He was currently in his human body to see how it ran. He clenched and unclenched his hands. These puppies were definitely more well-suited to punching than his usual tiny appendages. He admired the classy black suit, though it was a bit tight and uncomfortable. It didn't help that he wasn't used to wearing clothes.

He also quickly realized that his other self really let himself go. Ah well, nothing a little breaking in wouldn't fix. This rundown old body would do just fine for his purposes. Having access to two bodies allowed for new and exciting opportunities to play tricks on others. Especially the Pines. 

He figured he might as well start with the simplest task: going back to the Fearamid to un-statue-fy Sixer. He transformed back to his original form and made his way for his looming castle. Upon entering, he was greeted by his henchmaniacs, lighting up at the sight of their boss.

"Bill! What took you so long?" Kryptos asked. 

"Yeah, the time-punch is getting warm! Let's get down to partying!" All the henchmaniacs cheered in unison.

"Sorry guys, I actually still have some unfinished business to attend to." 

"Aw, c'mon!" Pyronica whined. "You've waited a trillion years to enter this dimension, now you're too busy to have some fun?"

"I'm not happy about it either! But you know what they say, with great power comes great responsibility 'n' all that jazz. I'm the new leader of this place so sometimes I gotta deal with boring stuff, so you guys don't have to."

"What is it you need to do?" 

"Think of it as taking out the trash. Look, just start the party without me. Don't worry about me, I'll be having my share of fun, too."

"Alright, but get back before we play pin the butt on the human!"

"Yo, Boss!" 8-Ball called as he and Teeth approached. "The Pine Tree kid got away before we could eat him. Are you worried he might try to cause some trouble?"

"Oh, yeah, that." He had forgotten about how he told them they could eat Pine Tree. He had to hide his relief at their failure. "Uh, don't worry about it. I'll deal with him on my own later. You guys kick back and relax, I'll be back sooner than you can say 'Weirdmageddon.'"

Bill ascended to the top of the Fearamid, where he had placed Sixer for safekeeping. He made sure to take the visage of his dear twin before unfreezing him. Oh, this was going to be fun. He had promised his human self to protect his family, but that didn't mean he couldn't mess with them! He rubbed his hands together in delighted anticipation before entering the room.

He broke the spell on Ford. "Let me go, you insane three-sided -! Wha - Stanley! What are you doing here? Cipher captured you too?"

"I guess you can say that, yeah." 'Stan' said nonchalantly. 

"What is this place, did he tell you?" He asked while peering around the room, whose centerpiece was a painting of Bill wearing a fancy cape.

"This is the penthouse suite, at the very tip of the pyramid! Pretty swanky, huh?" He flashed a toothy grin.

"That's...not really the word I'd use to describe any of this. We need to take this seriously, Stanley. And I don't understand - how did he get to you when you were within the barrier?"

"Oh please, that flimsy thing couldn't protect you from a gentle breeze. You really think something as powerful as Bill would be stopped by it?" 

Ford quirked an eyebrow. "Stanley, are you alright? You're acting strange...r than usual."

"Never felt better, dear brother!" He knew he was really pushing it with that. Hey, the ruse had to end eventually.

Ford squinted long and hard at 'Stan.' _Okay, this whole situation is strange. Even aside from Stanley's odd behavior, why would Cipher allow us free reign in his room? And how did I get unfrozen in the first place if Bill isn't present?_ His eyes grew wide.

"...where is Cipher?" Ford didn't even need to ask.

The manic grin 'Stan' wore grew all the bigger as he saw realization dawn on Ford's face. He burst out in hysterical laughter. "I wondered how long it would take you to figure it out. About a minute, not bad! Not that I tried very hard to hide it from you."

"What did you do to my brother?"

"Nothing! Your brother is right here. Or are those cracked glasses failing you?"

"This isn't funny, Cipher! Enough with the games."

Bill reverted to his true form with a snap of his fingers. Ford yelped and jumped back in shock. "Oh, I don't know. That was pretty funny!"

"Wh - what is this?"

"Come on, Fordsy! It happened right in front of your face, I couldn't have made it more obvious if I wrote 'STAN = ME' on a big sign and smacked you upside the head with it." He had to resist the temptation to do just that.

"Impossible." Ford said emphatically.

"Tsk, tsk. You should know better than any human that nothing is impossible. Besides, who are you to say what's possible and what's not?"

"It makes no sense whatsoever. Why would Stan be you?"

"I'd like to know that myself, but like you, all I can do is speculate on the reasons. As it stands, what I know for sure is the meatbag called Stanley Pines' soul was actually a piece of my self. My becoming flesh helped awaken that part of him. We made a deal, and now his soul is mine once again!"

Ford's face was blank, like a deer in headlights. 

"At any rate, as much fun as it is to mess with you, that's not why I'm here."

"Why then, to torture me again?" His tone was tinged with bitterness.

"I'm afraid I have to put a permanent moratorium on that. Y'see, as part of the deal, I promised to protect at least you and the two brats. I'm here to bring you to a safe spot."

"And why should I go with you or believe anything you're saying? I have no reason to trust you, and in fact every reason to actively mistrust you."

"It doesn't matter to me whether you believe me or not. However, you really have no choice in the matter of coming along. I wouldn't be keeping my end of the bargain if Pyronica has you as a snack or what-have-you."

"You suddenly care a lot about being honorable."

"What's that supposed to mean? I always honor the promises I make...one way or another." He didn't mention how Stan merging with him probably made a difference too.

"Where are you taking me? To the Mystery Shack?"

"Oh yeah, the one place I can't enter. I bet you'd like that, huh?"

"Well...yes." 

"Ha! Fat chance. I'm taking you to the fanciest house in Gravity Falls...beside my own, of course." With a snap of his fingers, he teleported the two of them out of the Fearamid. "What good is a wooden dump when you can live in a marble mansion? 

They were now inside a large, luxurious house. "Welcome to your new home!" Bill said, making a sweeping gesture at their surroundings.

Ford looked unsure. He noticed a painting of Nathaniel Northwest on a nearby wall - this was the Northwest Manor. "Don't people already live here?"

"Not anymore! We ran all those blue blooded snots out first thing. We were gonna just trash the place; I guess you can make better use of it."

"Why not make a new home for us, rather than take over another's?"

"Eh, I suppose I could make your own personal pocket dimension...but that would be too much work. Like I said, the Northwests and their countless butlers and maids aren't around anymore, so chucking ya in here is fine." He hoped the ghosts haunting the place had settled down, he didn't want another annoyance to deal with later.

"Well, I can't hang around here forever. Gotta go capture the brats now." He changed into Stan's form, causing Ford to flinch.

"Wait! Take me with you, I can help -"

"And give you a chance to escape? I don't think so. You're not leaving."

"But -"

"Enough!" He yelled with deepened voice, his eyes flashing red. "I don't need or want your help. Why do you want to leave so badly anyway? You have more than a human could possibly need in this place. Your brother's final wish was for you to be safe, would it kill you to just respect that?"

Ford opened his mouth to argue back but no response came. If Bill wasn't mistaken, he looked almost hurt. Bill turned to leave, stopping short of the doors. "Heh. I bet ya hate me even more now, huh?"

Ford was taken aback by the sudden comment. His angry expression faltered. 

"Hey, I get it. It's only fair. I ruin your science project, trick you into building the portal, push you into the portal, create the rift, open the rift...there's a whole laundry list of ways I screwed you over. Your hatred is more justified than ever." An uncomfortable silence. Bill waited a few moments to see if Ford had anything to say before breaking it himself.

"Alright, you're gonna be on your own for a bit but be ready for a tearful family reunion when I return with the twins. See ya later, Sixer!" He was gone in a flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the show, there's a scene where Bill evaporates Time Baby and the Time Police. I removed that here, didn't feel like it would serve much purpose.


	6. HE BELIEVES ITS A GAME AND TO HIM IT IS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with writing this chapter and trying to make it work. Hope the final product turned out okay.

Bill loved chaos more than anything. Ever since he liberated his home dimension from its flat, boring existence by burning it and all its inhabitants, he wanted nothing more than to continue spreading chaos throughout the dimensions. 

He had to admit, though, there were a couple downsides to total chaos. For example, navigating a town that's been half destroyed and overrun by monsters made searching for a lone child - whose possible location one had not slightest clue on - quite bothersome. Just wandering around aimlessly and looking underneath piles of rubble wasn't working too well for him so far.

He tapped his existent chin. This is where his human memories would come in handy. What are places Pine Tree might have fled to? Aside from the Mystery Shack, of course. He hoped the kid hadn't found his way back there or else he might need to enlist Ford's aid after all. He didn't want to have to come crawling back to the nerd empty handed - Bill shuddered just imagining Ford's smug reaction. 

Bill supposed he might have tried finding refuge at one of his friend's homes. Question Mark or Ice Bag, right? Thank himself Pine Tree didn't have many friends or else this would be even more tedious.

First he popped on over to Question Mark's place. He gave the door a brisk knock and opened it a crack. "Anyone here?" he called, peaking into the house. It looked empty...aside from a chair with a face, which was sleeping. Lovely. Far be it from him to disturb its beauty sleep; he left without another word.

Next was Ice Bag's family cabin. He arrived at its front step, located on the edge of the forest. He felt strange knocking on doors like some rule abiding human rather than simply popping inside the houses, but if Pine Tree really was there, he'd have a hard time explaining why his uncle learned how to teleport. Had to show restraint now so he could have his fun later.

He heard fumbling on the other side of the door. It swung open, revealing a large, hairy man pointing a crossbow at his head. "You'll never take me alive, demon!"

"Woah woah woah! Calm down, it's just me! You do know me, right?" He hoped this guy hadn't somehow been able to tell he was actually a demon. He didn't want things to get messy quite yet.

"Oh, yeah." He went from 100 to 0 fast. "What are you doing here, Stan? Shouldn't you be with your family at the Shack?"

"Well, that's the thing. They've disappeared on me. I'm looking for P - uh, Dipper, have you seen him around?"

"Nope, sorry. I've been holed up here with my boys since the madness started. My daughter is missing too, actually. She said she was going to hang out with friends at the mall or somethin' before it happened, haven't seen her since."

"That's too bad," he said, annoyed. "Guess I'll have to keep looking."

"Hey, do you wanna take one of my crossbows to protect yourself? There's plenty to go around!"

"Thanks, big guy, but I'm good."

"If you say so. Stay safe out there!" The door slammed shut, followed by the sound of locks and bolts latching.

So, Ice Bag might be at the mall. Maybe Pine Tree found her there and they're hiding out together. A lot of uncertainties involved, but it was the only other lead he had so he might as well investigate.

Not that he particularly _wanted_ to check every nook and cranny of the mall on the off chance Pine Tree was there. He was already getting sick of looking. Maybe he could enlist the help of his henchmaniacs. It'd be a hard sell; they wouldn't be happy about trading partying for searching for a random human child. What if it was pointless anyway? Maybe the kid had already gotten himself killed. Wasn't his problem if it happened off his watch. 

Unless...nah, that was out of the question. He wouldn't be able to enter the bubble in the first place. Even if he did somehow get in, he wouldn't want to leave. At the same time, he was running out of options. It couldn't hurt to at least check to see if any annoying kids had gotten past the guards. Anything that postponed having to go through this decrepit mall was good enough for him. 

A loud 'pop' suddenly rang through the area. High in the sky, the bubble exploded into confetti, a giant pig flying out of the remains.

_Not so out of the question, then._ Not only had his guards failed, but the twins were able to thwart his most diabolical trap ever. _Not bad kids, not bad._

He raced in the direction he saw Waddles land, toward the center of town. Running was pretty fun, though he felt like collapsing into a heap by the end. He saw 4 familiar faces - and Waddles - ahead.

"Grunkle Stan!" Mabel cried, jumping at 'Stan' and embracing him as tightly as her surprisingly strong arms could manage. Soos also joined in on the action, giving 'Stan' an even more bone crunching hug. 

"Alright, alright, that's enough of that." He brushed the two off, now even more out of breath. 

"What are you doing here, why did you leave the Shack?" Dipper asked.

"You could sound a little happier to see your grunkle! I couldn't just sit and twiddle my thumbs while you guys were out here putting yourselves in danger."

"We do need all the help we can get, plus it's always nice to see you, ya old codger." Wendy said with a smile, giving him a punch on the arm. Bill winced - why was everyone trying to break his delicate human body?

"I'm so glad we're all here!" Mabel's beaming smile slowly fell. "Grunkle Stan, everyone...I'm sorry."

"Huh? Why?" 'Stan' looked nonplussed. 

"It's my fault all this horrible stuff happened. It's because I gave Bill that snowglobe thingy -"

"That was Bill's fault, not yours!" Her brother interjected. "Bill is a big jerk who tricked you into doing something you wouldn't normally do."

"Yeah, don't sweat it, Mabel. We're gonna beat the tar out of him for messing with you and our town!" Wendy punched a fist into the palm of her other hand.

Under normal circumstances Bill would appreciate the irony in the situation, but for some reason he didn't feel up for it at the moment. "Are you guys crazy? Bill is the most powerful being in the universe! We can't take him on."

"C'mon, Grunkle Stan! We gotta at least try!" Mabel insisted. 

Dipper nodded. "Yeah, we can't just surrender to Bill. This is our world, we can't let him take it from us."

"Why not? Who knows, maybe living under his rule won't be so bad. If we give up without a fight and suck up for good measure, that'll be better for us."

"We're scared of him too, Mr. Pines, but Dipper and Mabel are right. We have to at least try to fix this." Soos said sagely.

Bill stopped abruptly and turned to face the others. "Why don't you guys get it? You can't beat Bill. It's impossible! You're - we're - just a bunch of humans. Look at what happened to my brother! That's what happens to people who try to play hero."

Dipper was about to speak but Mabel intervened before he could. "This isn't the greatest place to talk about all this. Why don't we put the conversation on hold til we get back to the Mystery Shack?"

"Agreed. It won't do us any good to argue in the middle of enemy territory." Wendy's grip on her crossbow tightened.

"Forget about the Shack! I have an even better place to go." The others regarded Stan with confusion. 

"What are you talking about?" Mabel asked, tilting her head to the side.

"I'm saying the Shack is old news. A friend of mine found us a literal mansion to stay in! There's no reason to go back to that dump."

Dipper finally spoke up. "Stan, what's up with you? Why are you acting like this?"

"Yeah, the Mystery Shack's basically your baby. Why would we abandon it?" Soos asked, concern in his voice.

"Hey, if you two wanna go back there, that's no skin off my nose. But I can't let the kids go."

"Says who?" Dipper said defiantly. "The Shack is the only place in Gravity Falls that's safe from Bill!"

"Says me! Have you forgotten who's in charge here? Why can't you trust that I have your best interests at heart?" Bill had used Stan's likeness because he thought it would be fun to string the kids along, make it a game. It wasn't nearly as fun as anticipated. He could put an end to it and instantly transport them to the Manor, but part of him wanted to convince them to come on their own.  

"Dipper...why don't we just go with Grunkle Stan and see what he's talking about?"

"But Mabel, the Shack is the only place that's protected against Bill's powers. You're the one who gathered the unicorn hair Ford needed to make the barrier, remember?"

"I know, but if Grunkle Stan says he found a better place, then I trust him. He loves us, it's not like he would take us to an unsafe place."

"Well..." Dipper looked to his sister and great uncle. He sighed. "I guess we can check it out. But I still think not going to the Shack is a bad idea."

"Great, it's settled. You won't regret your decision, trust me."

"So, where and what is this place?"

"Oh, you'll find out very soon. Like...right now!" Bill sent them off with a flourish.

Soos and Wendy gasped. Bill turned to the bewildered pair. "Sorry Ice Bag, Question Mark, you're gonna have to stay behind. This is a Pines-only party, no hard feelings. See ya!" 

He was gone before the two could process his statements. When he arrived at the Manor, the twins had already reunited with Ford. "I'm glad you two are okay."

"And it's all thanks to me!" Bill said, raising his arms in triumph.

Ford shot a glare at the now triangular Bill. "You're the one they need protection from!"

"Wait, he really was Bill Cipher all along? I knew something was fishy about him!"

"Yeah, that about sums up this entire situation."

"What do you want with us?" Dipper demanded.

"Nothing, honestly. I'm just trying to keep a promise to someone near and dear to me." He placed a hand over his left. "Eh, truth be told, I'm getting sick of explaining it. Yo Fordsy, you remember the gist of what I told you right? How about you take a whack at it? I kinda have places to be, places that aren't here."

"You can't just leave -" 

"You got that backwards, Pine Tree. I can come and go as I please. It's you three who can't leave. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a celebration to attend to. Toodles!"

He left the Pines to their own devices in their luxurious prison. 

"I can't believe I let Bill trick me again!" Mabel yelled out in frustration.

"He didn't really trick us, Mabel. He could have brought us here whenever he wanted, he was just playing a sick game with us."

"I still totally believed he was Grunkle Stan, though."

"We all did. He looked and sounded exactly like him. I thought people possessed by Bill gave off tells, right Ford?"

"Yes, they do. I have reason to believe this situation isn't a regular possession, however. Come, let's sit down, this will take time to explain. I must warn you, the news might be hard to believe and harder still to accept..."


	7. HE'S GONE BECAUSE YOU FAILED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a more serious chapter than previous ones. I usually try to inject some humor, since Gravity Falls is ultimately a light hearted show, but there weren't many opportunities for that here. Probably because the focus character is less comedic than the usual focus characters (Stan and Bill) are.

“Wait, so you're saying Grunkle Stan...is Bill? What?” Mabel scrunched up her face.

Dipper laughed. “That’s the most ridiculous lie from him yet! It makes no sense. How can they be the same person when they’re, well, not? They’re definitely two separate people!”

The Pines were in a parlor located on the bottom floor. Mabel was stretched out in a cushy recliner, while Dipper and Ford sat on a leather couch.

“My understanding isn’t entirely clear, either. Cipher himself said he wasn’t entirely certain how or why this would occur. Stanley was somehow born with Cipher's spirit. They were separate beings. Now - according to Cipher - they have merged, combining personalities and memories.”

"You don't believe him, do you?"

"No, not at first. But...it's very strange indeed that he can take Stan's physical form."

"Bill has a lot of weird abilities. Maybe shapeshifting is one of them?" Dipper argued.

"Perhaps. But if that were the case, why has he only shapeshifted as one person? Plus, what other reason would he have for taking us here if it wasn't part of a deal with my brother? Why seek out Stan for the purpose of making a deal in the first place?"

“You know Bill. He’s always up to something. I’m sure he has a scheme involving us. Even if he did make a deal with Stan, he probably made up all that other stuff to mess with us."

“I don’t really care about Bill, I just want Grunkle Stan to be okay.” Mabel curled up, hugging her legs to her chest. “I’m so stupid...Grunkle Stan might be gone forever because of me.”

Ford got up to rest a gentle hand on his niece's shoulder. “Mabel, Bill took advantage of you when you were at your lowest point. Don’t blame yourself. I'm at fault, really; not only for creating the portal, but for not telling you about the rift.”

Mabel sniffed. "Thanks, Grunkle Ford." She smiled softly at him.

Dipper went by her side as well. “It’s not like the Mabel I know to beat herself up like this. Bill’s tricked all of us. Don't worry, we’re gonna find a way to save Stan and the world. Right, great uncle Ford?”

“Uh, yes, right.” He hoped he sounded less hesitant than he felt. “I fear that’s much easier said than done, however.”

“I know. But we can’t just give up.”

“All three of us working together, there’s nothing we can’t do!” Mabel said, perking up.

“Of course.” Ford grinned a lopsided grin. “Listen, how about we get some rest? It’s been a very long day for all of us. We can worry about all this tomorrow.” Though ‘tomorrow’ was a meaningless term in the present context, considering time wasn't quite functioning.

“Sounds good to me!” Dipper said eagerly.

“Yeah, I want this day to be over already. It feels like its gone on forever.” Mabel slid out of the chair and the three exited the parlor.

“There are certainly plenty of bedrooms to choose from, so take your pick.” Mabel was way ahead of her uncle, racing down the hall and swinging open every door along the way.

Dipper glanced around him. "Say, this place is familiar...is this the Northwest's mansion?"

"Yes. Cipher oh so graciously offered it to us rather than destroy it as originally planned."

"I couldn't care less about the Northwests, but I do hope Pacifica's okay. Or as okay as she can be, with everything going on..."

"I hope the townspeople in general are okay. Cipher sees this as all good fun, but life under his reign isn't any fun at all for everyone else."

"Maybe some of them found the Shack. Would be nice if that anti-Bill shield was helping someone. I hope at least Wendy and Soos were able to make it back there."

Near the end of the hall, Mabel waved her hand. "Hey, Dipper! I found a good room down here! It has two beds, and no creepy paintings of cape-wearing skeletons!"

"Alright!" Dipper called back. "Goodnight, great uncle Ford."

"Rest well, Dipper." He ruffled the boy's hair. "Tell your sister goodnight for me."

"Will do!" Dipper waved as he ran down the hall, before turning into the 2nd farthest room on the left.

Ford stood in the hallway for a few moments. _Well, I suppose I ought to find a room for myself._

He continued down the hall. Might as well pick one near the childrens' room, in case they needed him. Not that he would be of much help without his weaponry or journals if something serious occurred.

 _The journals..._ He stopped mid-step. In the midst of the chaos, he had forgotten about what happened earlier. Bill disintegrated all three journals. All his hard work, all his research built up over his years in Gravity Falls...all gone in an instant. He felt as if he had been punched in the gut.

 _Curse that demon!_ He shook a fist at nothing in particular.

He checked the two rooms on both sides of the twins', as well as the one directly across. One was a bathroom with a large golden tub, another an office furnished with a desk, table, & couch, the last a bedroom with a king sized bed. The bedroom was the obvious choice, yet he was partial to the office. The work space appealed to him, not to mention he was no longer used to sleeping in beds. Much less a bed decked out with canopy and the softest mattress and pillows money could buy. Sleeping on a couch suited him just fine.

Laying down, he used his coat as a makeshift blanket. He stared, unblinking, at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore. He didn’t want to believe Bill, didn’t want to believe his brother was Bill in human form, but he couldn’t deny the evidence. If Bill was telling the truth, he didn’t see how it would be possible to get Stan back. If Stan was ever truly his own separate being in the first place. What if he had always just been Bill waiting, plotting, in the guise of a human? 

Ford had told the twins to get some sleep and save the worrying for later, but try as he might, couldn't stop his own racing thoughts. He had never been one to sleep well anyway. He hoped at least the kids could get some restful sleep, they earned it after all they had gone through. Eventually, after what felt like hours, he began drifting in and out of sleep. As he slept, he was haunted by thoughts of Bill Cipher, wondering what diabolical deeds he was committing or plotting at that very moment...


	8. SOMETIMES THE QUESTIONS ARE COMPLICATED AND THE ANSWERS ARE SIMPLE.

Bill lounged on his throne made of human statues, swirling a goblet of time punch, watching the Henchmaniacs play their game of "Spin the Human." He was surprised and relieved that the Time Police hadn't paid the partying demons a visit. Not that he would have any trouble making quick work of them; he simply didn't want yet another annoyance interrupting his good time.

Still, the party was winding down, and he was anxious to move on to the next phase of Weirdmageddon. He just wanted to show off one more party trick.

“Hey, you guys wanna see a surprise?" Bill announced loudly. "Check this out!”

He produced and threw a smoke bomb. Out of the cloud appeared Stan’s figure, standing on the throne.

“It’s a little trick I picked up recently. Pretty nice, huh?” He pulled on the suit’s collar.

“Wow, ‘zat really you, Bill? How’d you that?” The Creature With 88 Different Faces asked.

“Don’t worry your pretty little heads about the boring details.”

Pyronica grimaced. “You definitely look...different. Your voice is different too. It’s kinda grating; no offence.”

“None taken! Yeah, this rough voice is nothing like my usual dulcet tones. Here, I’ll change back to normal for the big announcement." He tapped his goblet and cleared his now non-existent throat. “Gang, we’ve had our fun here. I think it’s about time we move on to phase II of the takeover. Gravity Falls is just the beginning! It’s time to take our chaos worldwide!”

The other demons cheered loudly. Bill floated up and opened a portal to the outside. “Alright boys, to the corners of the Earth. Set the world aflame with your weirdness. This dimension is ours!”

The henchmaniacs jumped through the portal - and smacked directly into a forcefield.

“What!” Bill shrieked. He approached the barrier and poked it, sending a ripple throughout the large dome, which covered the entirety of the Gravity Falls area.

“Oh come, seriously? Are you really telling me we’re trapped in this stupid hick town!” He punched and kicked at the barrier to no effect.

“Ugh...I think I broke something.” Kryptos whined, sprawled out on the ground with the others.

“Walk it off!” Bill drifted away from the group.

“Where’re you going?” 

“There’s someone I need to have a talk with.” The most likely candidate to possess knowledge of the solution: a certain bespectacled, six fingered know-it-all. If he could feel shame, he'd be feeling it right now. Having to crawl to a human for help wasn't his proudest moment. 

Within the Northwest Mansion, he encountered Mabel in the foyer, sliding down the staircase's handrails. After making him promise not to turn her uncle into a backscratcher again, she told him where the man was. Bill found the room she indicated and swung the slightly ajar door wide open. “Fordsy! How was your first day in your beautiful new home? I trust you slept well.”

“What do you want.” Ford didn't turn from his desk to face the unwelcome guest. 

“Thanks for the warm welcome. Fine, I’ll cut the crap. I need your help." 

“You might as well turn back now, then, because nothing could convince me to help you.”

“Every man has his price, what’s yours? I’ll give you anything!” He hoped he sounded less desperate than he actually was. 

“Hm, you sound desperate." 

_Damn it._

"What is it that you want from me?” Ford turned around, now curious. 

“I want to spread fun across this dimension! There’s just a little snag. As it turns out, my weirdness can't escape the magical confines of this town. There's something keeping me in.”

“And you think I know how to break through it?”

“Yes, poindexter. I’m right, right?”

“Whether I know is of no concern to you. Even if there was, say, a simple equation that could collapse the barrier, I would never tell it to you.”

“So you did find a way to undo it. Come on, you wouldn’t do it for your dear ol’ bro?” Bill, now in human form, threw an arm around Ford. “If you give me what I seek, I can grant you ultimate power! We’ll rule the universe together, as brothers.”

“Get away from me!” Ford shoved Bill off. “How dare you use Stanley’s guise to manipulate me! You are _not_ my brother.”

“'Stanley' was simply the name of the flesh vessel imprisoning part of my soul. For all intents and purposes, I'm as much your brother as he was. Why else do you think you took to me so fast back then? I bet you always saw a part of Stan in me.” Technically it was a part of him in Stan but hey, human perception was screwy.

Ford clenched his fists, his brow furrowed. “...Cipher. Tell me something. Was Stan ever his own person? All the things he did, were they by his own will, or the desires of another - of you?"

“I can answer those questions and many more for one small price: hand over the equation!” He laid his hand flat and shoved it in front of Ford's face.

“No!" Ford yelled, slapping the hand away and rising from his chair. "Why would I ever help you? How many times can you betray me? How many times have I placed my trust in you only for you to spit it back in my face?”

Bill was almost taken aback, but quickly collected himself. If Ford wanted to go there, then Bill was going to make him wish he never had. ”You're one to talk. You were never willing to stand by your own brother when he needed you most. You'd discard him without a second thought once he fulfills his purpose. You valued me as Bill Cipher more than you ever did as Stanley Pines, didn't you?" 

Ford's expression was inscrutable. "You have no right to speak of my relationship with Stan as if you understand it." He breathed out and returned to his workstation. “Leave. I have nothing more to say to you.”

“Whatever, I was about to leave anyway. I don’t need your worthless help.” Bill stomped out, slamming the door for good measure. A painting of Nathaniel Northwest fell in the hall, startling him. “Damn! Stupid Ford...stupid shield...stupid equation...”

He was walking down the hall, muttering to himself, when Mabel’s head peaked out her and Dipper’s room. “Hey, wait!”

"Kid, unless you can tell me how to destroy an impenetrable mystical barrier, I'm not interested." 

Mabel continued on. “I heard yelling. What were you guys talking about? Why do you look like Stan now?"

"Grown up business and because I feel like it. Now stop being nosy and go away."

"Is what Grunkle Ford told us true?”

Bill stopped. “What? About me and Stan?"

Mabel nodded.

“Yup, it’s true, assuming he got the explanation right.”

“So, if you and Grunkle Stan are all mixed up together...does that mean you love us now?”

“Don’t get your hopes up. I don’t have any use for junk like love or family. You don’t even wanna know what I did to my real family way back when.”

“Grunkle Stan loved us though! Maybe you don’t care, but he did! That can’t be all gone!” Her eyes were welling up.

“Whatever affect combining with my human side had, it was barely noticeable. Your uncle as you knew him is gone. The sooner you accept that, the better. Sorry to disappoint you.” He noticed the girl was fighting against tears; the sight made him feel...some kind of way. “Ah, come on. Don’t cry on me now.”

She sniffed, wiping her eyes. “I thought you didn't care?”

“I don’t, I just don’t want to see gross snot and eye juice leaking from your face.” He contemplated for a moment. “Here, think of it this way: your uncle was a wayward soul. Now that he’s returned to his true, original self, he’s exactly where he should be. Does that make ya feel better?”

“Not really.”

“Well, can’t say I didn’t try.”

“Bill! What are you doing?” Dipper appeared from his and Mabel's room, going to Mabel's side.

_Ah great, here's the other brat._

Dipper put a reassuring arm around his sister’s shoulder. “What did you do to make Mabel cry?”

“All I did was answer her questions. It’s not my fault she has the emotional fragility of - well, of a 12 year old." 

“Why are you even here? Leave us alone!”

“I came to chat with Sixer, which was a waste of my time. I _was_  going to leave, but since you asked so nicely, maybe I’ll stick around a little longer.” Anything to postpone facing the other demons and breaking the news of his failure quite yet.

“You're crazy if you think we want to spend time with you.”

“Don't be such a wet blanket, Pine Tree! I can do all kinds of fun stuff. Why not spend time with your new and improved uncle?"

"Because all the horrible things you've done to me and my family make me want to never be in your presence?"

“When you say ‘fun,’ do you mean actually fun stuff or horrible stuff only _you_ think are fun?” Mabel asked.

"And stop pretending like you're Stan. You're not him, no matter how you look." 

Bill ignored them. "My mere presence is sure to spice up your day. So, what'cha doing right now?"

"Being hungry, mostly."

"We tried to find something to eat and everything is weird rich people food like caviar or truffles, or stuff we don't know how to cook. The gold leaf looked promising but it didn't taste nearly as good as sprinkles do."

"Ah yeah, you meatbags need to eat food. Well, why not get your uncle to make you something?"

"Grunkle Ford isn't the best cook. He'd probably end up burning the whole place down."

"Well, I can't have that. So you want something to eat? Okay." Bill vanished. A few moments later he reappeared in the same spot, now carrying a pie. "You guys like this stuff right?"

"Wow! Where'd you get that?"

"From my butt. Where else? The diner. Here, eat up." He handed the pie tin to Mabel.

Dipper eyed it with suspicion. "How can we know this isn't poisoned?"

Bill groaned. He knew he wasn't the most trustworthy guy, but the incessant questioning and doubt was starting to annoy him. "Kid, if I wanted to get rid of you, I definitely wouldn't do it in such a boring way. Now shut your pie-hole and eat."

"Yay! I've always wanted to eat pie with my bare hands."

"I could go grab some -" Dipper offered, too late, as Mabel had already scooped out a hunk of the pie. "Ah, nevermind."

Bill loitered as the kids dug into their dessert for breakfast. He leaned against the wall, trying to appear casual. "Sooooo...your uncle hasn't mentioned weirdness containing barriers or equations to destroy such a barrier with to you guys, has he?"

"I don't think so," Mabel said between bites, "if he did I probably wouldn't remember. My brain and math don't play well together."

"We're not helping you with whatever your planning, Bill. You can't bribe us with pie."

"I was just curious! No need to get snippy, Pine Tree." He _was_ thinking of using them to needle Ford about the equation but would it kill the kid to act grateful?

The whole plate was cleaned off within minutes. Bill wasn't sure whether to be impressed or disgusted. The twins' hands were covered with sticky red goop and little pieces of crust. 

"Mmm, mmm! Cherry pie, my favorite!" Mabel's cheery demeanor faltered a bit. "Uh, I guess we should thank you. So...thanks."

"No problem. Can't have you guys starving to death, I have a deal to uphold. No hard feelings about that stuff that happened before, right?"

"Um, well -"

"You're not gonna win us over after the awful things you've done."

"Don't be like that, Pine Tree. All that's in the past! I'm sure I can change your minds in time." He suddenly thought of a surefire way to get on their good sides. "Hey, weren't you brats - I mean, lovely children, gonna celebrate your birthday soon?"

"We were, but you ruined that too."

"It's kinda hard to have a birthday when you don't know what day it is and all your friends are missing."

"Pish posh! Time is meaningless now, it can be your birthday all the time if you want. And who needs friends when you have me? I throw the best parties in the multiverse! Tell me what you'd want at your party."

"Grunkle Stan."

"Apart from that."

"For you to not be there."

"I can't help if you refuse to cooperate, you little -"

"Wait, I have an idea!" Mabel waved her arms around. "At birthday parties, you're supposed to get presents. Maybe we can give you a list of things we'd like, and you can pick which ones to get us!"

"Presents, huh. What'd ya have in mind?

"Hold on." Mabel fished around in her skirt pockets and dug out a crumpled piece of paper. She smoothed it on a table, then handed it to Bill. It was a list written in glittery, colorful ink. 

"You've had this with you the entire time?"

"We haven't exactly had the chance to change out of these clothes since you tricked Mabel into giving you the Rift."

"There's nothing in this place Dipper can wear. I could wear Pacifica's clothes but I'd feel bad to use her stuff without permission. Oh, wait, I forgot something!" Mabel snatched the paper out of Bill's grasp and ran into the bedroom. Bill and Dipper waited awkwardly for her to return. 

"Okay, now it's good." She gave it back to Bill. He glanced over it. At the bottom were two items written in black ink: 'Waddles + (normal) clothes.'

"Anything you wanna add, brobro?" Mabel offered him the pen. 

"Nah. On the off chance he actually gets us something, I don't want to be in his debt."

Bill figured he had gotten everything he could from this particular visit and saw no reason to extend it further.

"Welp, about time for me to hit the ol' dusty trail. I'll give this list a look-see and check in with you guys later. Oh, and remember - don't bother trying to leave the confines of the Manor. You can get as far as the gate, beyond that, it's a no go. Capiche?" He made finger guns pointing at both of them. Mabel responded with a thumbs up, while Dipper kept his arms crossed. _Eh, good enough._  One of them was responding, at least. Bill left without another word.

"Man, I'm glad he's gone." Dipper's arms fell to his sides, shoulders slumping. 

The door to Ford's room cracked open. "Good, he finally left. He didn't bother you too much?" He stepped fully out into the hall.

Mabel shrugged. "He wasn't so bad, I guess. He got us pie to eat!"

Dipper suddenly looked guilty. "Oh, right, sorry for not leaving you any, Great Uncle Ford." 

"Yeah, we were so hungry we didn't even think about it."

"It's fine. I'm not hungry, plus I'm not a big fan of sweets."

"Ford, I heard you guys arguing before. What happened?"

"Bill was trying to pry information out of me. You see, Gravity Falls has special properties. The strange and paranormal are drawn to Gravity Falls, yet cannot escape it. The same law that brings them here also prevents them from leaving. I studied it years ago - Gravity Falls natural law of weirdness magnetism."

"So Bill can't take over the rest of the dimension because of it?" Dipper asked, looking genuinely interested by Ford's mini-lecture.

"Yes. He was looking for a way to undo it. I happen to know the answer, but of course I'd never tell him. For now, he can't wreak destruction across the universe. It's imperative we continue looking for a way to defeat him, though."

"Hey, Grunkle Ford, about that - I have an idea."

"Oh? I'd love to hear it."

“So, I was thinking. Bill said that Stan is basically gone now. I don't believe him one bit! Grunkle Stan is still in there. His memories, and feelings, and grumpy yet lovable personality - they’re in there, I know it! All we gotta do is wake him up."

"What are you saying, Mabel?" 

"I'm saying we can save Grunkle Stan and the world, like you told me yesterday! Maybe if we're nice, and show him the stuff that Stan loves, and get him to remember the good times he had with us, he'll stop wanting to destroy the world! Then everything will be okay again."

Dipper balked. "I dunno...we don't know if Bill was even telling the truth about what happened to Stan. I'd rather just get Stan back and kick Bill out of our dimension."

"Mabel, I admire your goodwill and desire to end this peacefully. Unfortunately, I doubt it will be possible for this situation to end on a completely happy note."

"Huh? Whaddya mean?"

"Well - it's just -" Ford looked uncomfortable, his eyes darting everywhere except Mabel's face. "Ah, there's no reason to worry about such things now. Mabel, if you wish to help Bill see the light, you're more than welcome to try. However, we can't rely on that as a solution. We must still come up with more plans, in case that doesn't pan out. You understand, right?"

"Yeah, I get it. I just wanna do whatever it takes to save Grunkle Stan. He'd do the same for us in this situation."

"Now then, why don't you two wash up?" Ford bent down to pick up the empty pie tin on the floor. The twins looked sheepishly at their dirty hands and cherry stained clothes.

"We are overdue for a shower, huh?"

"I call first dibs!" Mabel yelled as she darted into the nearest bathroom.

"Ah, not fair!"

Ford chuckled. "Remember there's more than one bathroom here."

"Oh. Yeah. Haha. Hey...do you really think it might be possible to turn Bill by appealing to his Stan side?"

"Honestly, I don't think so. What do I know, though? Anything is possible. If anyone can accomplish it, it's Mabel. She's offered her own solution, now we need to think of other possibilities." He faced his nephew with a grave expression. "Whatever it takes, we must mend the interdimensional rift and prevent Bill from spreading further destruction."


	9. IM WORKING ON FIXING THAT JUST A MINOR LITTLE GLITCH.

Spreading chaos across the multiverse. His ultimate goal, his driving ambition, a grand prophecy one trillion years in the making. He had endured living in his dimensionally challenged home universe and being trapped in the chaotic yet unchanging Nightmare Realm for his entire long, long life in the hopes he would one day be free. Beholden to no one or nothing but his own whims.

The rift forming a gateway from the void to this world was supposed to be his big break. He had finally made it! Except now, that triumphant moment was spoiled. Turns out he had simply traded one prison for another. What's worse, he was at the mercy of a human; if Ford doesn't reveal the solution, he'll never realize his dream. If the situation wasn't so utterly infuriating, he would have laughed at the irony of it all.

To top off the crap sundae, he was currently beset on by his none-too-happy henchmaniacs.

"What do you mean you haven't found a way to leave?"

"What was the point of coming to this dimension if we're stuck in one corner of the entire universe?"

They were clamoring around him, surrounding him with loud complaining.

" **ENOUGH**!" Bill tripled in size, towering over the others. "I get it, I'm working on it! You think I'm happy about being stuck in this stupid backwater town, ya bozos? Unless you have any brilliant plans to share, can it!"

That shut them up. Bill shrunk back down. "It sucks to have to wait even longer, but I'll get it figured out, so chill. It's a small bump in the road. Nothing to freak out about." He was trying to reassure himself as much as the others.

"What are we supposed to do?" Pyronica asked. 

"Keep doing what you've been doing. Partying hard, terrorizing the citizens, destroying the town, you know - having fun."

"But we've already done just about everything there is to do in this town. Is there even anyone left to terrorize?"

"There's gotta at least be some gnomes left in those woods."

"Oh yeah, now that you mention it," Kryptos said, "I do remember seeing people over in the junkyard a little while ago." 

Bill did a doubletake. "Wait, what?"

"Yup, they ran off into the forest before I could get to 'em. Don't know where they went."

"Who did you see?" Bill demanded.

"Gnomes, manotaurs, a few humans too. They were carrying a bunch of junk with them."

Bill smacked his forehead. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"I didn't think it was important...sorry, boss."

"Welp, looks like I have to do the hard work around here. I'll check this out myself."

"Are you sure -"

"Yes. You stay, I don't want anyone screwing this up." If his suspicious were correct, he knew just where to look and who he would find there.

He left immediately, going in the direction of the forest. The Fearamid was almost directly overhead of his target location. Approaching the Mystery Shack from above, he noticed abundant activity: figures flitting about and lots of noise. All those busy beavers right under his non-existent nose! They had chutzpah to oppose him right in plain sight, he gave them that.

They were so focused on their work, they didn't notice his descent onto the encampment. It was time to crash their party. "Boo!"

Everyone, at once, looked up at him, then began screaming and making a break for the Shack.

"Oh no you don't!" He grabbed at the nearest person in the frenzy. "Freeze, or this one gets it!"

Bill laughed heartily. He looked at the unlucky someone in his hand, and was met with the big blue eyes and big white hair of lil' Gideon. "Well, well, well, fancy seeing you here, Gideon! You guys throwing a party without me?"

Gideon wiggled in Bill's grip. "Let me go!"

Wendy made a move for her crossbow, and the prison inmates looked ready to pound on Bill.

"Ah, ah, ah!" He wagged a finger. "Don't do anything hasty! Just give me what I want, and he won't get hurt!"

"Oh no. Not Gideon." Candy said with a flat voice and deadpan expression.

"We don't negotiate with terrorists." Soos proclaimed, crossing his arms. 

"Come on now, don't be like that!" Gideon cried.

"What do you want from us?" Wendy asked. 

"Where's the pig?"

"Wh - Waddles?" 

"We'll never hand over Waddles, monster!"

"Soos, calm down. What exactly do you want Waddles for?" 

"A good ol' fashion pig pickin'?" McGucket wondered aloud.

"Shooting Star has been pestering me about him. I want her off my back, that's all."

"Shooting Star? You mean Mabel?" Wendy's expression became fierce again. "Where are Dipper and Mabel, what have you done to them?" 

"Nothing. I might do something to the fellow here if you don't get me the stinking pig already."

Gideon whimpered. Everyone else stared in speechless puzzlement.

"Y-you promise you won't hurt Mabel's pig, right?" Gideon asked. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, shut up." Bill shot his most withering glare at the boy. It's harder to do without a face, he had to admit.

Soos and Wendy gave each other looks. They leaned in for a whispered conversation while Gideon watched nervously. Finally, Wendy spoke. "Well...alright. If that's really all you want."

"Great! Oh, actually - grab the kids' clothes from the attic bedroom too, will ya?"

"Uhhh, okay? Sure." Wendy, along with Soos, entered the Shack. Looking around the camp, Bill saw Pacifica Northwest, Ford's old long-nosed assistant, Mabel's weird friends, the Sheriff, forest creatures, Gideon's gang, and a dweeby guy he didn't know or care about. What a motley crew.

"So, Gideon, this is what you've been up to since betraying me. Looks like you've been having fun with your new buddies."

"I'm not afraid of you, ya evil triangular demon!" He screamed, voice breaking slightly.

"Sure."

"Um, you're not gonna imprison me after what I did, right?"

"Nahhhhh, you're not worth the trouble. I'll let you go once I get what I came for. Say, what was apparently worth risking my wrath, anyway?"

"Mabel! I want to earn her respect. If you really care 'bout someone, you'll do whatever it takes to protect 'em!"

"What a touching change of heart. Not a month or two ago you were a little creep who was summoning me to destroy the Pines!" It was pretty funny in hindsight, unwittingly invading his human self's mind.

Bill and the others sat in awkward silence for a couple minutes. He tapped his fingers on a log. "What's taking so long to get a pig? I know he's heavy but come on, this is ridiculous! Haha, am I right?"

No response. "Woof, tough crowd. So. How are you doing on this fine...evening?"

"Hey!" Pacifica called, marching up to Bill. "What are you going to do with my parents and the other townspeople?"

"They're going to continue making up my glorious throne!"

"You're never going to let them go? I know my parents are the worst but even they don't deserve that!"

"If it makes you feel better, they aren't conscious in there. Probably."

Past Pacifica, Bill noticed McGucket furtively glancing at him. A reintroduction was in order. "Hey, old man! You probably don't remember me. I'm Bill Cipher, we met a few times. Mostly when I was possessing Ford's body."

McGucket looked startled, and slightly terrified, by Bill acknowledging him. "Actually, I've regained a lot of my memories. And you were the one thing I could never forget, no matter how much I wanted to..." 

That took a depressing turn. He didn't know how to respond and was saved from having to by the timely re-appearance of Wendy and Soos. Wendy carried a chest while Soos was encouraging Waddles to come along.

"We put the clothes and stuff in here." Wendy said, placing the chest on the ground in front of Bill.

"Thanks for bein' pals!" Bill let Gideon fall without warning. He landed face first on the ground.

Waddles cried and cowered as Bill got closer. "Waddles, it's okay, dood! You'll be with Mabel again soon, don't be scared!"

"What, you don't like this form? Ugh, fine." He shifted to Stan's appearance. "There, happy?"

Waddles did indeed seem pacified. He approached Bill, sniffing him intently.

"Mr. Pines?" Candy and Grenda gasped from behind.

"What the heck? Where'd Stanford Pines come from?" 

"Sorry guys, it isn't Mr. Pines. It only looks like him."

"Technically, we're one and the same. Also the name's Stanley, not Stanford. Guess he didn't get clued in on the switcheroo."

"What happened to Stan, anyway?" Wendy asked.

"Now's not the time for explanations. Maybe I'll tell you later, I have a feeling we'll meet again soon."

"You don't care about what we're doing?" 

"Mm, can't say I do. I will say this, though: I encourage you to reconsider what plans you might have. You have no hope of defeating me. You wouldn't want to unless you're ready to kiss Stan goodbye, too. Joining up with me would be in your best interests; the store of apocalypse meat isn't gonna last forever." 

Bill left on that note. He made a quick pit stop at the market to grab food before teleporting to the Manor, carrying an armful of Overly Sensitive Owl cereal boxes. He was holding so many he couldn't see over the top of them. "Yo! Shooting Star, where are you?"

He dropped the boxes, letting them clatter on the floor. The Pines family appeared, coming down the stairs. 

"Grunkle S - I mean, Bill." 

"Why are you back so soon?" Ford noticed the boxes scattered over the floor. "And making such a mess?"

"Don't sound so happy to see me, I'm not here for you. I wanna give Shooting Star her present, we discussed it before."

"Cereal isn't a very good present." Dipper noted with contempt. 

"Yeah, I don't wanna sound ungrateful but cereal wasn't on my list..."

"No, you morons! I got that so you don't whine about not having anything to eat. Should be enough to tide you over for a few days."

"Oh! So where's my present?" Mabel whipped her head to and fro.

"It's a gift, it's supposed to be a surprise! Close your eyes." Bill swung open the front doors, revealing a waiting Waddles on the other side. The pig squealed in delight and bounded into Mabel, knocking her over.

"Waddles!" Mabel laughed as he licked her face. 

"Your chest is out there, too. It should have clothes in it for you and Pine Tree to wear."

"Thanks for bring Waddles back and getting our clothes for us!"

"Thanks for giving us our own stuff back." 

Ford had fetched the chest. Mabel checked inside, finding their clothes as well her scrapbooks and Dipper's journal.

"Man am I glad to see you guys!" Mabel hugged the scrapbooks to her chest.

"Wait, how did you get all this? It was in the Shack." Dipper asked.

"You can thank Question Mark and Ice Bag for helping me out."

"You mean Soos and Wendy, right?"

"Yup, them and other stragglers were at the Shack. Pacifica Northwest, Grenda, Candy, blah blah blah."

"Ahhhhh! I'm glad they're okay!" Mabel said, flapping her arms wildly.

"It is good to know they made it to the Shack safely. Er, they are okay, right?"

"You don't have to worry about your little friends, I didn't hurt them."

Ford was in the background, pointedly keeping distance from Bill. He couldn't have that. He closed the gap between them.

"See, Sixer, I'm not such a bad guy. So how about the equation? Huh? Huh?"

"You must be joking."

"I'll pry it out of you yet!"

"Say, Cipher, why do you insist on calling certain people by those strange nicknames: Ice Bag, Shooting Star, etc.?"

"You _really_ want to know the answer?" He said slyly.

"Oh for - can you not answer simple questions without bringing that up?"

Bill chuckled. "Even after all this time, still can't take a joke. I'm sure you already know the answer. Just think about it."

"Hey!" Mabel came between Bill and Ford. "Hey, hey, hey!"

"What, kid, what?" Bill said, mildly alarmed.

"You want to look through the scrapbooks with me?" She began flipping through one of them. "It has all the fun memories we've made over the summer! Maybe Ford can look too, since he doesn't know about most of this. Like when Grunkle Stan punched a pterodactyl in the face and saved Waddles! Or when Grunkle Stan helped us free Octavia the mutant cow! Or, or -"

"I've got more important stuff to do than look at pictures."

"Like what, turning innocent people into statues?"

"C'mon! Everyone has to take a break. How about moving pictures, then? While snooping around I found the complete Ducktective series on DVD with the commentaries and special features!"

Just then, Waddles jumped on his hind legs to give Bill a kiss on the cheek. 

"Gah! Quit it, Waddles!" He stumbled back, wiping at the area where Waddles licked him. 

"Aww, Waddles still loves you."

He grumbled. What he had to deal with for the chance of possibly getting closer to receiving the equation! Though, now that she mentioned it, it was true he had been 'on' basically the entire time since he arrived in this dimension. If anyone deserved time off, it was him. "Ducktective, you said? I guess watching a couple episodes couldn't hurt."

Mabel pumped her arm in victory. "Yay! I found the best room to watch it in! It's a big ol' home theatre, so we can be surrounded by the sights and sounds of our favorite duck detective! Are you two gonna come?" She produced her best puppy dog face to convince her brother and uncle. 

"Ugh...fine, but only for you, Mabel."

Ford sighed. "If you two are doing it, I might as well join in." He gave a strained smile.

"What about the cereal though?"

"We can take care of it later! Let's go, let's go!" She tugged on Bill's sleeve. Or Stan's sleeve? He was the one wearing it but it had belonged to Stan. On the other hand, Stan was him so what was the difference? Why get worked up about small details like that. 

He shook his head. Why _was_ he worrying about it? There was no reason to have an identity crisis. Stan's soul was his soul. Stan's clothes were his clothes. All the things that were Stan's, were really Bill's. 

Besides, even if he wanted to view Stan as a separate entity, his experiences and memories as Stan were a minuscule drop in a very big bucket compared to what he had experienced as Bill. 60 odd years as a human versus one trillion years as a demon. Like he said to Mabel before - if merging with Stan had any effects on him, they were negligible. 

He was Bill Cipher. Soon-to-be ruler of the multiverse. But before getting there, he just had to take a load off for a little while. 


	10. happy fun times for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking such a long time with this chapter! It's been half-finished for awhile, but I got busy with/distracted by other things and stopped writing for a few weeks.

"Well, guess I oughtta thank you for treating me to Ducktective. You were right, it was nice to kick back and relax."

The Pines were exiting the home theater, having marathoned the last five episodes of Ducktective season two. Bill had stayed a bit longer than originally intended, but once they decided on watching those episodes, he couldn't up and leave in the middle of the arc. He basically had to view it the whole way through.

"It was our pleasure!" Mabel turned to address Dipper, cupping a hand over her mouth and lowering her voice very slightly. "I think we've made a lot of progress already! I totally heard him sniffle when Ducktective sacrificed himself for his family in the season two finale."

"Mabel, people can sniffle for non-crying related reasons."

"I can hear you guys, you know."

"Oh, before I forget! What name do you think sounds better: 'Ban' or 'Still'?"

"I think you're getting _way_ ahead of yourself."

"So that's a 'maybe' on calling you 'Grunkle Still'?" 

"That's an abso-freakin'-lutely not!"

Dipper stopped and wheeled around. "Bill, don't talk like that to Mabel. She's being a lot nicer to you than you deserve, the least you can do is not be a jerk."

"Dipper, it's -"

"You're one to talk! You've been a little snot to me since I brought you here. You should be thanking me for giving you a safe place to live, and a huge upgrade to that dump you've been at over the summer."

" _Thanking_ you?" He sounded outraged. "You tricked my sister into unleashing the apocalypse! You tricked me into losing my body. You tricked Ford into building the portal. And now you've taken away Grunkle Stan. You've done pretty much everything you possibly could to make me hate your guts. Why would I ever be nice to you?"

"Dipper..." Mabel said, sadness in her voice and concern on her face. 

"Here, Dipper, why not help me gather those cereal boxes?" Ford suggested, putting a hand on his nephew's shoulder and gently steering him away from Bill. Dipper didn't resist and went with his uncle, though he continued glaring at Bill over his shoulder. 

Bill shook his head. "I don't get you, Shooting Star. Why are you so nice to me? You have as much reason to hate me as they do."

"I guess I can't hate you, when I know Grunkle Stan is part of you. I don't wanna give up on you, 'cause it would feel like giving up on Grunkle Stan. Maybe it's stupid -"

"You don't owe me anything." He said pointedly. 

"I know! But I'm not doing this only for you! I'm doing it for everyone, including me. Because I want to! I want to make things right. How can I call myself a good person if I don't stand by Grunkle Stan no matter what, after all he's done for us?"

"I'm just saying, you don't need to stick with me out of misplaced guilt or loyalty. It might not be worth it. What does being a good person matter? Being good is overrated. Do what makes you happy, screw what other people think!"

"You're not exactly the best person to take advice from. And if you're telling me to not care about what other people think, shouldn't I not care what you think and ignore what you're saying too?" She asked, sly glint in her eyes. 

"Heh, good point. Y'know, you're sharp. Maybe not in a nerdy way like your brother, but still smart."

"Thank you! And you're not so bad. I mean, you're still pretty evil but we're working on it."

"Of course we are." Bill strode ahead of Mabel. "Well, I gotta get going. Have to report back to the other demons about what's happening. Or not happening, as the case may be."

"Okay. You know, you should let me meet your friends sometime!" She suggested with great enthusiasm. 

"Ehhhh, probably not a good idea."

"Why not? I'm sure they'd be delighted to meet my charming self!"

"They'd much sooner eat a human than make friends with one. You can't make nice-nice with everyone."

"Not with that attitude! I can at least try, you can't underestimate the power -"

"- of Mabel, I know. See ya later."

"Bye bye!" She gave a small wave. When Bill didn't acknowledge it, she began jumping while wildly waving both arms. "Hey, hey! I'm waving goodbye! See? D'ya see?"

Bill finally, reluctantly, reciprocated the gesture.

He left the Northwest Manor feeling mixed emotions. It was strange to have someone who unconditionally supported him. Not even his old family was like that. He supposed it felt nice, though he didn't really deserve it coming from Mabel. If only his henchmaniacs were so encouraging - they were probably going to whine about how he still hadn't destroyed the barrier, rather than simply appreciate that he was trying and getting closer to achieving their goal.

"I'm back."

"Why are you in that ugly old meatbag body?" Pyronica asked, grimacing.

"Huh? Oh, forgot to change back." He poofed back to normal. "And come on, he's not _that_ ugly."

"So, any fixes yet?" 8-Ball inquired.

"I'm getting there. Have patience, it'll be down soon enough. We've already waited this long, a little while longer isn't gonna kill us."

"What are you doing to destroy it? You haven't told us your plans."

"Let's just say I have a...friend who has access to important information. He still needs convincing but eventually I'll get what we need out of him."

"Why don't we beat the info out of him?" 

"Not every problem can be solved using violence, Pyronica."

Just then, their discussion was interrupted by an animatronic t-rex bursting through the Fearamid. On the other side of the newly made hole stood...a very tall Mystery Shack.

"It's the Shacktron, dood!" Soos, Wendy alongside him, stood on the steps of the Shack, hoisting a flag with Wax Larry King's head on top. He held a microphone in his other hand. "Hey, is this thing on? Testing, testing. Uh, I wanted you monster dudes to hand over the Pines family or we'll have to, like, fight and junk."

Bill pinched the non-existent bridge of his non-existent nose. "Oh, for the love of -"

"This is our chance to have some fun!" 8-Ball said, already looking poised to attack. 

"Hey -"

"Yeah! Let's trounce these suckers! Attack!" Pyronica exclaimed. The henchmaniacs jumped out of the Fearamid in unison, growing gigantic to match the hulking Shacktron.

Bill got between the demons and the Shack. "Hold it! I don't wanna fight you idiots!"

Wendy grabbed the microphone from Soos' hand. "Too bad, 'cause we wanna fight you!"

The Shacktron hauled back and punched Bill in the eye. He yowled in pain, clutching his tightly shut eye. The Henchmaniacs jumped into action against the Shacktron, but when they attempted to target the building, the unicorn hair shield rebuffed them.

"That was a cheap shot!" Bill whined. He was barely cracking his eyelid open when the t-rex arm of the Shacktron grabbed his eye, pulling it right out. 

"Aaaah! My eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate that?" Which wasn't a rhetorical question. One massive drawback of having a physical form: damage can't simply be waved away. He somehow stumbled in mid-air, trying to catch his bearings as best he could.

 _Welp, looks like I'm gonna have to wait this out._  He prayed to Axolotl it didn't take too long. 

"Hey! Some of them are going into the Fearamid!" Kryptos called.

_Damn it._

"Should we follow 'em, boss?"

"No. You guys take care of that thing. Leave the humans to me." Truly, no rest for the wicked. He was just going to have to go eye-less for now. It's not like he can't navigate without it - it was simply tedious and difficult. Still, he was lord of all cosmos, he couldn't let a small thing like not having an eye stop him from raising hell.

As he headed for the Fearamid, he heard the yells of various henchmaniacs as the Shacktron smacked them around. Before entering, he left them these words of wisdom: "Aim for the legs!"

Within the Fearamid, he sensed six humans. He could barely make them out: Wendy, Soos, Gideon, Pacifica, McGucket, and Blubs.

"Hey everyone! How ya doin'?" Their collective scream was music to his ears. "Wanted to thank you for tearing my eye out. Really, it's great. Thanks a lot."

"B- B- Bill!" Gideon stammered. 

"Oh come _on_ , how did that not stop you?" Wendy complained.

"Psssh. You puny humans are gonna have to try harder than that to stop me. So, tell me: what are you doing trespassing on my property?"

"We're here to free our family and friends!" 

"And rescue Dipper and Mabel and Ford!" Soos proclaimed, chest puffed out.

Bill yawned theatrically. "Wow, what great heroes. Too bad the three you want to 'rescue' aren't even here and aren't in need of rescue in the first place."

"If they're not here, where are they?"

"You know what? How about I show you." He swiped at the group, now holding them tightly in both hands. "I'm sure they'll be very happy to see you!"

Laughing maniacally along the way, Bill brought them to the front gate of the Northwest Mansion.

"FORD!" Bill bellowed. "Get out here! You've got visitors!"

Ford hastily made his way outside, followed soon after by the twins.

"Hey! What are they doing in my house?" Pacifica exclaimed.

"Sixer, if you don't have over the equation right now, you can kiss your, uh - friends? - goodbye!"

Ford's wide-eyed surprise shifted to anger. "Why, you...!" He cursed through gritted teeth.

"Oh no! Grunkle Ford, we can't let them die! Those are people we love! Except Gideon."

"I deserved that."

Ford hesitated.

"Tick tock, Sixer!" Bill tightened his grip on the hostages.

"Bill, don't do this! You were making so much progress!" Mabel pleaded.

"Grunkle Ford, come on!" 

Ford cast his gaze down, resigned. "I - I'm sorry...I can't."

"What?" 

"Ford, no!"

"If the barrier is destroyed, Bill will be able to wreak havoc across the entire universe. There will be far more death and destruction than what can be done to Gravity Falls alone. I can't let that pass. I'm so sorry, everyone."

"Geez, Ford...that's cold." Bill sighed loudly and let go of the 'hostages.' He regretted ever telling them the specifics of Stanley's deal. If Ford didn't know he was tasked with protecting the kids, he could use threats against them as a bargaining chip.

Yet, he could easily still do that. Ford doesn't see him as someone who would keep a promise. Of course he wouldn't actually harm the twins; despite everything, he does want to uphold the deal. But Ford wouldn't know. If Bill showed even the slightest inclination toward harming them, Ford would crumple like a stack of cards. Why not use them as bait?

Why couldn't he bring himself to?

Mabel pressed her palms against the invisible wall around the Manor. "Are you all okay?"

"My butt's a little sore, but we're no worse for wear." Wendy replied, dusting herself off. 

"What about you doodz?"

"We're actually totally fine. It's hard to believe but Bill has been taking care of us."

"Huh, so he was telling the truth before. Good for him, 'cause if he had laid a pinky on either of you, he'd have to answer to me." 

Pacifica squeezed between Wendy and Soos. "Hi. Excuse me for interrupting your conversation, I wanted to ask why you're living in my house?"

"Don't blame us, it wasn't our choice! Bill brought us here." Dipper said defensively. 

"Well...alright." Her demeanor softened. "I guess I am glad you two are okay. But you better not have snooped around in my room or touched my stuff."

Mabel laughed. "Don't worry, Pacifica, we didn't. We're glad you're okay, too."

Bill noticed the henchmaniacs off in the distance, coming from the battlefield.

Teeth, sans some of his pearly whites, greeted Bill first. "Boss! We were looking for you. What are you doing here?" 

"I was trying to get ol' poindexter over there," he gestured at Ford, "to finally give me the stupid equation."

"Oh, he's the guy you said knows how to break the barrier? Can we beat the snot out of him now?" Pyronica asked eagerly.

"No."

"Awww...can we at least play with these losers?"

"Nope!"

"What! Why not?"

"'Cause those losers are your new friends!" With a snap, he transported the twins to the other side of the Mansion's gates.

"Bill! What are you doing?"

"I'm freeing you - you're welcome. You can go back to the Mystery Shack. Though it might not be the most hospitable place at the moment, since it's probably crashed in the middle of town."

Ford did a double-take. "Wait, what?"

"What about Grunkle Ford?"

"He can leave, too, if he gives me the equation that'll free us from this miserable town. Hear that, Ford? You'll be able to be with Pine Tree, Shooting Star, Question Mark, and all your other, uh - friends." 

"Really?" 

"I knew you'd find that a promising proposition! I won't put you on the spot right now, so mull it over. In the meantime, to show you I mean business, I'll free all the citizens and forbid any harm against them. Ya got it?" He eyed his fellow demons. 

"But, but, how are we supposed to have any fun if we can't even play with the people here?"

"Can the whining! Have a shred of foresight for once. Don't you know patience is a virtue? It'll reward you with infinite possibilities for fun."

Mabel approached the colorful group. "You guys must be Bill's friends. Hi, I'm Mabel! I'm Bill's great niece. Kind of. It's nice to meet you!" She held out a hand. The demons didn't seem to know how to respond to the girl.

"Er, hey. I'm Pyronica." She looked confused and unsure about the present situation.

"Name's Kryptos. What makes you so great? And what's a niece?"

"Are you offering your hand as a snack for us?" Teeth chattered. 

Mabel stroked her chin. "Looks like you have a lot of learning to do about life on Earth. Luckily my brother and I can teach you all the stuff you need to know!"

"Mabel, I never agreed to that. Plus, how can we just leave Ford here?"

Bill interjected. "Ford's an adult, he can take care of himself, kiddo. And I can take you into the Manor if you really want to see him. Don't worry - I have a feeling it won't be long before you're reunited."

"In your dreams! He'll never give up the equation to you. Your nefarious plans will never work."

"'Nefarious'? You get that from a word-a-day calendar or something? Yeesh, lighten up, aren't you supposed to be 12?" Going on 13 but who was keeping track.

Dipper stuck his tongue out at Bill. An appropriately childish reaction - he supposed that was better. 

His first order of business was going to be releasing the townspeople from his throne. He hoped they wouldn't freak out too much after being unfrozen, he didn't want to have to deal with shrieking humans on top of all the other garbage. 

Bill was loathe to be honest with anyone, much less himself, but he had to admit he wasn't quite sure what he was doing at this point. Since so many of his plans had already fallen through, all he could do now was go with the flow, see where the current took him, and hope it eventually led him out of Gravity Falls.


End file.
